Relationship Work and Older Adults: The Role of Gender in Negotiating Enduring Coupledom

Background and Purpose

Increased longevity and higher health status means that many couples will be together for long periods of time. However, most research focuses on middle-aged couples; hence, less is known about older couples. It is often assumed that relationship factors found important for middle-aged couples are also applicable to older people (Walker et al., 2013). For example, everyday behaviors that reinforce the importance of the relationship have been found to contribute to the sustainability of the relationship for middle-aged couples (Dainton, 2000). The assumption is that these same behaviors are important for older couples, but a dearth of research evidence exists to substantiate this. Moreover, the way in which relationship behaviors may be gendered for older couples is virtually unstudied.

This qualitative study of intimate relationships amongst older adults focuses on how participants’ maintain their partnerships on a day-to-day basis. Specifically, we sought to understand relationship work and the extent to which it is gendered amongst older couples, including the ways that couples negotiate aspects of the aging process.

Methods

Data for this study were collected via an online survey from more than 8,000 participants residing primarily in the United Kingdom, United States, and Australia, but people from 60 different countries participated in this study. Older respondents made up 19% (n = 1,565) of the sample and only their data are utilized for the current study.

In addition to sociodemographic variables, participants were presented with open-ended questions related to how they feel about their partner/relation ship. Three of those questions are utilized for this analysis, and included the identification of things you like best and least about your relationship and things your partner does for you to make you feel appreciated. In addition, interviews with older couples were completed with a small sample of UK residents who also diaries kept. Descriptive statistics were used for background variables, and thematic analysis was completed for the qualitative data.

Results

Our sample was primarily married (86%) and in a relationship for 20+ years (83%). Qualitative results suggested that everyday relationship maintenance behaviors are used to reinforce coupledoms, such as laughing together and shared interests. Between country differences highlight nuances of participants’ responses that are particular to their cultural background like appreciating when one’s partner brings “a cup of tea.” In terms of the negative aspects of the relationship, themes included not enough sex and poor communication. The analyses of interview and diary data found that accounts of couple intimacy and the ageing body were often highly gendered, but these couples used a range of strategies to address changes, including laughter, resignation, and separate sleeping arrangement.

Conclusion

Our study focus on relationship work sheds light on how partners negotiate life changes, including those that happen to the body. For example, sexual difficulties associated with aging were negotiated in ways that worked for both partners, which suggests that enduring couples meet life challenges together. Our findings also echo previous research with regard to relationship maintenance behaviors and their role in sustaining coupledoms